Every single treadmill’s taken,
By the hoards who’ve sworn off bacon.
I’m very glad that they’ve resolved,
But must my gym be involved?
They’ve said good bye to bad fast food,
so I say “hi” to ineptitude.
They don’t remember to re-rack weights,
they prune and preen and look for mates.
All I want to do is get ‘er done,
just lift my weights and do my run.
But everywhere that I look,
Resolutioners fill every nook!
At my office I can’t shower,
because it’s taken for a good half hour.
Finally, I get to go.
Thankfully, hot water flows.
Under water warm and wet,
I reflect as I purge the sweat,
It’s not that I don’t like to share,
It’s the onslaught I can’t bear.
A consolation gets me through,
Numbs my sorrows, dulls my blue,
By mid-February they’ll be done,
Done with diets, done with runs.
Some will stay and that is great,
All my best for losing weight.
I know that I might be a grouch,
but get your butt back on that couch.