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Essentialism – Friendship

We had a blast at Disney, but I’m not done getting through all (any) of the photos, so that post will have to wait, but in the meantime ….

This is one of those topics that I don’t really want to talk about, which usually means I should. I am blessed to have some great friends, but having said that, friendship is somewhat hard for me. I frequently feel very out-of-step with my friends. I am one of the only ladies in my friend group who works full time. That means I’m never available for impromptu birthday lunches or tennis drills on a weekday morning. It’s out of sight, out of mind and I frequently end up feeling like an after thought and/or the odd man out. The upside to this is that I feel like I have special sensitivity to people being left out and try to always include others that are on the fringes. They don’t always want to be brought in, but I usually try. Anyhow, all that to say … here’s what I/we say no and yes to in friendship.

What we say NO to:

  • We say not to family friendships that don’t work for our whole family. We used to hang out with a family where the parents got along great, but Ben was constantly being belittled, ignored and mistreated by their son. We tried to address the issue but it didn’t help and eventually just had to be done. We still see the parents occasionally, but we don’t get the boys together. We’ve had this happen with couple friends too – where one of us gets along with one half of the couple but the other doesn’t mesh up. Not that we can’t be friends one on one, just not as a couple.
  • We say no to guilt over not seeing people as often as we’d like. We’re all busy and it doesn’t mean that we like each other any less.
  • We say no to doing things just because everyone else is. If it doesn’t fit in with our personal preferences, lifestyle or finances, we’re out. I’m not talking about the little stuff like restaurant/activity preference – we just won’t majorly compromise our true selves to hang with people. True friends don’t care.
  • Gatherings that are just TOO BIG where you don’t get to see much of anyone because it’s all too overwhelming.

What we say YES to:

  • “Scruffy Hospitality” – the concept that the food, house, etc. don’t have to be Martha Stewart perfect to have people over. We are huge fans of making a pot of soup and saying, “come on over!”
  • Planning ahead … sometimes months in advance just to make sure we stay in touch with people.
  • Including friends in productive time. Good fun can be had paintbrushes in hand and it works both ways – we’re happy to give and receive.
  • Quality over quantity: fewer really good friends as opposed to tons of not so good ones.
  • Friends from all walks and stages of life.
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Disney Shirts

2017-10-06 20.34.56We’re headed back to WDW pretty soon, this time with Matt’s whole side of the family. I am not a big fan of the matchy-matchy family shirts, but I do like to do a little something special for a Mickey trip. So I came up with the idea of making a “custom” Mickey head for each person. I drew a ton of designs in Illustrator, drawing inspiration from all over the web – except Darth Mickey – he was cribbed directly from the web. Then circulated then let everyone have their choice.

They got printed on some t’shirt transfer paper, ironed on and voila. I’m excited to see everyone in their shirts!

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Essentialism – Kids’ Education + Extra Curriculars

2014-08-18 07.50.23

The podcast actually tackled school and extracurricular activities in two separate posts but both due to attention span issues and number of things to talk about/crossover, I’m talking about them together.

What we say NO to

  • We say no to a whole lot of extra work … both during and outside of the school year. The kids have enough to do for school and we have enough to do outside of school that it just can’t be a priority so you won’t find us doing much in the way of flash cards or workbooks to keep our kids “ahead of the curve.”
  • We say no to basically any activity that requires a ton of weekend commitment, or really just too much time commitment period. We don’t really do organized sports because of this.We want to be in control of our weekends, not sitting on the sidelines.
  • We say no keeping an activity that’s run its course due to guilt.
  • We say no to worrying too much about how a travel-related absence will effect the kids’ schooling.

What we say YES to

  • We say yes to reading outside of school.
  • We say yes to initial time commitments – for example when Tabby wanted to take up the violin, we told her it had to be at least a 2 year commitment if we were going to buy the instrument, not only for the capital outlay but also to really develop some proficiency in it and see if she likes it.
  • We say yes to “forcing” some activities because they’re important. Swimming is the one I’m thinking of here, but there might be others.
  • We say YES to finding activities that are low impact on us. A piano teacher who comes to us was about the top criteria for choosing our piano teacher. Fortunately, she’s also awesome.
  • We say yes to activities that aren’t necessarily our thing but that the kids adore.
  • We say yes to limiting activities in favor of family time.
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Essentialism – Healthy Eating

kids cooking

Continuing the essentialism discussion, I want to talk about what we do with FOOD, presumably healthy since that’s our goal along with most everyone else. So how do we strike the balance between doing what is best, what is easy and not driving ourselves crazy in the process.

What we say NO to

  • We say no to worrying overmuch about organic. I try to think about the “dirty dozen” when I produce shop, but honestly, I can’t keep up with it and I certainly can’t always afford it. So I do the best I can, but I can’ t let it drive me crazy.
  • Freaking out because a kid isn’t eating his dinner/breakfast. It’s going to be ok. There is a next meal. They won’t starve.
  • Hauling around snacks. This is an easy one for me. I get really tired of our over-snacked culture where we have elaborate sign ups to provide snacks at events scheduled for times less than an hour after dinner. I don’t haul around snacks for my kids except when we’re hiking. And they’re AOK.
  • Making dining out default. This one is a work in progress, but we’re getting pretty good at being able to say that just because we’re out running errands doesn’t mean that we “need” to eat out. We can make it home and eat some leftovers or a simple quick meal. Honestly, it’s usually just as quick.
  • Going too extreme. No carb. No fat. No sugar. NO.

What we say YES to

  • Family dinners together. These are a priority and something we feel good about doing regularly and ENJOY!
  • Teaching the kids to cook. Tabby is already a better cook than many adults I know. Ben needs … work, but we’re going to get there.
  • Having the kids make their own lunches. It’s good for them to have ownership and it saves us time.
  • Grocery delivery. The best thing ever.
  • The food experience. Sorry, but if I’m in the famous pizzeria in NYC, I’m having the slice. The famous ice cream stand in LoDo? I’m having the cone. Is it good for me? Not necessarily, but I enjoy food as an experience, even when it isn’t the healthiest.
  • Recently I’ve also been saying yes to intermittent fasting. It’s been a great way for me to bring a little more balance in what I eat and giving up breakfast and lunch a few days a week has been relatively easy.

 

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Essentialism – TV

Television

Essentialism is a concept I’ve thought about for a long time – if not in that exact terminology then at an abstract level. It’s the concept that you have to pick what’s important to you (truly important) and say yes to that, but, perhaps more importantly, say no to other things so that you can say yes to the important stuff.

Recently, one of my favorite podcasts, The Simple Show has been tackling this very subject, breaking things down by categories and talking about what they say no and yes to in those categories for themselves and their families. It’s been fun and interesting to hear how the hosts’ thoughts on the topics are similar or dissimilar from ours. So I thought it would be fun to sort of play along (weeks after the fact as it may be) and talk about how I feel on these.

Topic #1 was TV/Movies – how and what you watch.

The NOs

  • I say no to watching something just because it’s popular and I want to be included in the discussions. This includes: House of Cards, Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad and probably the next big thing that features lots of violence and conflict. I do not enjoy violence at all and I really need people to cheer for.
  • I say no to JUNK. Not to be too snobby, but Kardashians, Bachelors and Sponge Bob are out. I don’t care if it’s not a popular opinion. They don’t add to my life (or the lives of my kids) so it’s out.
  • I say no TV as a default or background thing. I try really hard to just turn of the damn TV if it’s bedtime and I never (just ask my kids) want TV on in the background as we’re going about our lives. It’s too easy to get complacent.
  • We say no to movies for date night … at least movies in the theatre. We don’t get to talk enough and it’s expensive with no real justification. We would probably make an exception for a truly epic movie but it’s rare. And since we’re nerds, that would usually be a nerd movie and the kids are now of the age to join us. That’s fun!
  • We say no to allowing the kids to go zombie in front of the TV. More than a couple of hours and I turn it off. I want them making, not consuming.

The YESes

  • I say yes to watching TV while working out and folding laundry and sometimes working in my office (crafting or doing mindless stuff like updating our budget spreadsheet). It’s a guilt free way to enjoy a little tube.
  • We say yes to riding our bikes to the movies for family fun. It’s an awesome fall/spring/summer outing and everyone loves it.
  • We say yes to a few select shows that we watch together as a couple.
  • We say yes to family movie nights with popcorn.
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UK all the Way

phonebooths

One of the highlights of this year was our big UK trip. We left the day before school let out (they missed a whopping 4 hours of messing about and total teacher apathy) and flew direct to London.

paddington

Once we got to London, we almost immediately hopped a train to Bath and spent a couple of nights there (basically a full day) exploring the Roman Baths, Bath Abbey and the charming little city.

bath

york

The following morning we headed back to London and then got another train to Edinburgh via York. We had a nice lunch and walk around in York and despite a downpour, really enjoyed our time there.

train

The late train into Edinburgh was a lovely view of the Scottish countryside, and the beginning of my love affair with Scotland. Swoon.

edinburgh

We had a nice full day in Edinburgh: touring Edinburgh castle, having high tea at the museum and climbing to the top of Arthur’s seat, a pretty amazing “mountain” within city limits.

highlands

Another night’s stay there and we picked up our rental car the following morning and headed across the highlands. WOW. Words cannot describe the rugged beauty. Lush and green everywhere, but rugged and amazing! We had a lovely seafoody lunch and saw the sights via car and a little hiking around but it was raining a lot too, so we had to balance cold/wet with outdoorsy fun.

mailaig

We stayed the night in a delightful little fishing village called Mailaig where we had some of the best seafood chowder I have ever had in a cozy little pub. The next morning we caught the ferry to Isle of Skye.

fairy pools

Isle of Skye is simply incredible. We had an amazing time exploring the island. The renowned Fairy Pools (a hike filled with beautiful and fascinating waterfalls and little pools) completely lives up to the hype and had it not been raining we could have happily stayed there for hours.

skye

We had amazing food at cool pubs. We saw sheep everywhere. We had lovely pies (note to self: more savory pies in our cooking!). We saw amazing natural features and a beautiful light house. We also got a little rest in our “self catering” (i.e. vacation rental).

ED Castle

But finally our time in Skye had to come to an end so we drove our little van back across Scotland to Inverness. On the way we stopped at Eilean Donan castle, an amazing sight to see.

caledonian

Once in Inverness, we had a quick bite and got on the Caledonian Sleeper train. We spent a pretty comfortable night travelling from Inverness to London where, thankfully, showers greeted us in the first class lounge upon arrival.

london

Our time in London was amazing too. We visited the British Museum. We went on a bike tour. We saw the sights. We visited Tower of London. We met up with old friends for Turkish food. We went to a giant toy store and an amazing department store. We rode the tube. We loved our hotel (The Bloomsbury) and the Portobello Road Market.

It was an absolutely amazing trip … never hurts to be with the very best people.

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Here Comes the Sun

SUN-01

It’s a little hard to believe it’s been over a year since I posted. I’ve thought about doing so a few times, but not as many as I thought I would. I miss it, more because I can’t go back and see what was going on than because I miss doing it. If that makes sense.

I am resolving to add some more recipes and updates on the kids and us when I feel like it.

Mentally, I’m feeling better than I did a year ago. Not that it’s always been easy. I miss the special people (and canines) that are no longer with us. Friendships are sometimes less than satisfactory as people move on and lives diverge. It’s not hurtful. But it hurts.

So what’s been going on?

Family Life

  • We’ve continued our family meetings with reasonable success and minimal grumbling.
  • We continue to cook good food and eat well. The kids are both learning to cook.
  • We strive to read together, but it is often a casualty of crazy schedules.
  • We continue to travel frequently, including camping, and have had some absolutely amazing trips this year.
  • The kids started at a brand new school this year and it’s been an interesting and exciting change of pace.
  • The kids were away from us for over two weeks this summer. They went to Flordia with their Nashville grandparents and to camp for a week. We missed them like crazy.
  • The kids are constantly begging for a dog and for now, we’re holding firm on the no. We just travel too much!

Ben

  • Ben is doing well at school. He seems to really excel at math, but is reading is really strong too. Penmanship is a challenge.
  • He LOVES gym and placed 2nd in his class for the pacer test where you run like a maniac.
  • He continues piano and has recently learned the Imperial Death March from Star Wars.
  • He is a hilariously funny kid and he cracks me up on the regular with his wittiness and interesting turns of phrase.
  • He has continued with karate and scouts and started swim lessons again a couple of months ago which he’s doing really well at.

Tabby

  • Tabby has changed a ton over the past year and is all little lady these days.
  • She is currently wearing the same size shoe as me. We both view this as very handy and I hope it lasts.
  • She is super super into music right now, playing really cool pieces on piano (Hall of the Mountain King, Morning, Linus and Lucy) and has just started violin for her school’s orchestra.
  • She adores being a Girl Scout and doing badge work and having experiences with her friends.
  • She is not too much into physical activity but enjoys her swim lessons and skiing.

Matt and Me

  • Matt and I celebrated 15 years of marriage this summer. We are doing great and love being together and working as a team.
  • We celebrated with a group trip to Mexico and also took a weekend away while the kids were in Florida to do a little trip to Telluride.
  • We are both leaders in the kids’ scout troops. I have continued into the juniors’ second year and Matt is an assistant den leader with Ben’s pack. It’s challenging but rewarding.
  • Matt continues on in his job and is doing well at it. I have recently been promoted and get to take a more active role in company leadership which is something I’ve wanted for a while.
  • I have been working out for a few months now at Orange Theory Fitness which I really enjoy.
  • Matt and I also took up tennis this year. We had both played in jr. high and high school and we have a number of friends who play, so it’s been a very nice activity.
  • Matt has been working hard in his wood shop. We built a console table that goes behind our couch and he is currently working on a large-scale closet system for the master closet. It’s an unbelievable amount of work.

Overall, a very good year. Lots of personal growth, positive changes and some bumps in the road. No complaints.

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Struggling.

struggle

I’ve been a bit of a hot mess lately.

The summer was kind of hard.

Loss. Uncertainty. Change.

These are a few of my least favorite things.

My situation isn’t dire. I’m not in bed all day every day. I’m not in need of Prozac or Lithium. I’m just a bit more bummed/on edge than I might otherwise be. Some are universally problematic, some are more first world problems. But they’ve got me down.

Things that shouldn’t feel overwhelming, feel overwhelming. I’ve been needing more sleep. I got crazy sick last week for seemingly no reason (it was like a cold that turned into the flu that had me down and out for almost a week!). Things that shouldn’t upset me are making me unreasonably angry or sad.

I’m digging out of it. I know I feel better when I get the good sleep and regular exercise. I feel better when I force myself to be around people, even though I sometimes don’t feel like it. I feel better when I let myself skate on some of the things, but I also feel better when I make myself do some of the things.

So I’m trying to be patient with myself and with others. I’m trying to be chill about the things that need to be done and my expectations. It’s not my favorite way to be, but it’s OK. And it will get better.

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Mug Cake Cook-Off

2016-08-29 19.30.22Wowwie. It’s been a crazy month and a bit. Crazy.

We’ve: 1) gone on an 8 day road trip with 12 people in a 12 passenger van over 3 states, 3 national parks and 2200 miles, 2) started back at school, 3) gone on our biggest camping trip to date, 4) gotten and gotten over colds (or was it the flu?), 5) celebrated some birthdays, 6) done some other traveling, 7) tried some new recipes

Anyhow. I’m breaking my crazy-haze-induced silence to share these babies. MUG CAKES.

Honestly, they’re not that great. But the reason we made them was pretty fun.

Remember family meetings? We’re still doing them! I know. I’m as surprised as you are. But they’ve gone really well! We achieved most of our summer goals. And then we set some more for the fall!

Tonight was a particularly crazy evening, but thanks to planning, which I did last Friday before our crazy weekend, and an agenda I whipped up literally during a meeting at work, we got ‘er done. This was the big hit so far for my family activities – cooking, eating, dessert, all together. Even Matt was impressed.

It was nearly submarined when it was revealed that our grocery delivery hadn’t included chocolate chips, but Matt saved the day with a quick trip to the store. Did I mention he’s the best.

I fanned out the four recipes and each member of the family picked one at random to bake. We had to help Ben a little, but Tabby did hers 95% on her own.

Here are the four recipes we tried:

The Double Lemon Mug Cake baked by Tabby was declared the BIG winner. Everyone loved this. The others were sugary and kind of cakey, but at least for the adults, pretty meh.

2016-08-29 19.33.16-1The kids did OK with all of them.

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Wilderness Guys

IMG_0662And so while Tabby and I were hiking around Vail and the Holy Cross Wilderness, Matt and Ben were doing their own thing.

They were on their annual boy’s backpacking trip, having a grand ol’ time.

IMG_0655The highlight of their trip was getting to hike their first 13’er, Mt. Parnassus, a cool 13,574 ft. above sea level. Pretty impressive.

IMG_0699The other highlight for Ben, besides running around like a savage, of course, was whittling. I feel like as a female, I cannot comprehend this, but I do find it cute- as long as he doesn’t cut himself.