My Enemies

I read an article the other day where it was mentioned that Paul Newman was on Richard Nixon's enemies list and that this greatly amused him.

The concept of an “enemies list” seems so incredibly humorous to me – like something Mr. Burns would have (does he have one?). So naturally, I thought to myself, Who would be on my enemies list … if I were to have one. Here's what I came up with.

1. Sarah Jessica Parker (bitch stole my baby name)
2. Michael Vicks
3. anyone who gives me unsolicited assvice vis a vis my kids
4. people who cut in line
5. Barney
6. whoever makes up the time tables for when McDonald's does and doesn't serve breakfast … I hardly ever want breakfast from there, but it's always after they've switched to lunch at some absurdly early hour
7. The RIAA/MPAA
8. Nicholas Cage … don't know why, but that guy seriously bugs me
9. mimes
10. the aliens that abduct my father-in-law
11. the “customer service” reps at any cell phone company (particularly the ones that accost you in the mall)
12. this guy (his wife is lovely too)