Open Letters

Dear Grocery Store Manager,
Funny story, but true: when I go to your store, I'm there to do my grocery shopping. I'm not there to buy Entertainment Books, sign petitions presented to me by skinny guys with less-than-stellar personal hygiene or take a survey about my preferences on cleaning products. I suggest that you revise your policies on these third party vendors using your business as their place of business or I will have to revise my policy on visiting your store.

Thanks,
me

Dear Local Equestrians,
As a dog owner, I am looked at as little better than a card-carrying Nazi should my pooch decide to do his bizness on the sidewalk and I am unprepared to properly dispose of it. How you horse people are getting away with this, I do not know, especially since your animal's excrement covers a much larger percentage of the sidewalk than mine and is no less offensive to the olfactory senses. I've got little problem with this when we're out on the hiking trails, but I really think it's just common courtesy to make sure your horse does not blanket the neighborhood sidewalks with its scat. Don't you think?

luv,
me

ps. Don't tell me it's too hard. I've seen those diaper things on horses in parades. Buy one.

Dear Ultra-sketchy Magazine Sellers,
Did you know that you're not legally bound to answer your door should you be home and someone comes to call? I agree, it might seem rude, but frankly, you people show up altogether too often in our neighborhood and I'm sick of your pushy/rude sales tactics. I am gratified beyond all reason that you managed to escape your gang and your crack addiction, but that does not make me want to buy magazines from you. So the next time you show up at my door and continue to knock on the door and ring my doorbell and this lasts for more than say … 1 minute, I am calling the cops. My dog *really* doesn't like you guys and frankly, that tells me something.

luv,
me