The Great State of Colorado

My uncle sent this to me and I had to share. I also had to make comments about which of these are true and why and which are not and why.

1. You switch from “Heat” to “A/C” in one day. Totally true. Have done this many many times. Short and sandals in the middle of the winter? Definitely not unheard of.

2. You know what the “Peoples Republic of Boulder” means. Yep! This refers to all the “liberals” or “granolas” down in Boulder and the general Socialistic atmosphere.

3. Your sense of direction is: towards the mountains and away from the mountains. Absolutely true! I know where to go by streets as well (Denver is very griddy and most streets run NS and EW) but the mountains are my landmark … whenever I'm away I feel sort of lost.4. You're a meat-eating vegetarian. I guess this is sort of true … There's lots of people here who don't eat red meat. Maybe that's what this is referring to.

5. The bike on your car is worth more than your car and you have your own special bike lane Yep. Colorado has lots of bikers. The bikers frequently have expensive bikes on not so expensive Hondas or Volvos or whatever and we have lots of great bike lanes (and trails!!).

6. You're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without even flinching. Not quite this extreme, but most of us are pretty good snow drivers. We have to be.

7. You take your out-of-town guests to Casa Bonita even though you would never go there otherwise. Half true. I do take out of town guests there, but I would go otherwise. The food sucks, but I find it to be otherwise quite enjoyable.

8. You think your major food groups are granola bars, tofu and Fat Tire Beer. This probably does apply to many Coloradans, but not to me personally.

9. You design your kid's Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit. Absolutely! It almost always snows on Halloween, even if the weeks before and after are in the 60s.

10. You think that sexy lingerie is wool socks and flannel PJs. I do think this … I'm a comfort girl. But I don't really think it's shared by most Coloradans. Unless they live in the mountains and heat their houses (cabins) with a wood stove.

11. You know all 4 seasons “almost winter, winter, still winter and spring blizzards. This is so not true. We get all four seasons. Occasionally they show up in the middle of one another though. It's definitely not unheard of to get 60 degree days in the middle of February. And we've had snow in August.

12. You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a CU/CSU's victory. Well I haven't. I didn't go to CU or CSU. But I know people who have.

13. You can never figure out why your out-of-town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains. This actually doesn't happen all that often, but occasionally. Usually you're just more tired.

14. You can drive over a 12,000 foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow. This is total BS. We hardly ever get snow days and certainly not for 4 inches of snow. We've had a foot on the ground and not had school/work called off.

15. You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista. Bwayna Vista.

16. When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz. I can not independently confirm this since I've never noticed a difference, but that's the rumor.

17. Your car insurance costs more than your car. Nope. But I can see how someone's might.

18. You have surge protectors on every outlet. I assume they're referring to thunderstorms or something, but I really don't consider it to be an unusual problem here. WI and TN were both much worse for electrical storms.

19. April showers bring May blizzards. Yes … occasionally.

20. 'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been. Hasn't everyone?

21. You know what a 'Chinook' is Yes I do, but I don't think it's paticularly Colorady.

22. You know what a 'Rocky Mountain Oyster' is. Yes I do. And I've never eaten one. But I know where you can get them.

23. You know what a “fourteener” is. Well doesn't everyone?

24. But you don't know what a “turn signal” is. Actually, I do. And I use it religiously. Actually, Colorado is one of the better places I've lived in for turn signal usage. WI was better. But then again, they all drove the speed limit too.

25. A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much as a Democrat in Congress does. Hehehe … bear on my porch. Honestly. Colorado isn't all wilderness. I live in the suburbs!! And we do have many Democrats in congress.

26. Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning rod. I really don't know what's up with this lightning thing.

27. You know who Alfred Packer was and did. Absolutely no idea whatsoever.

28. You know who Baby Doe Tabor was. Ditto.

29. SPF 90 is not out of the question. Of course it isn't! We're a mile closer to the sun.

30. People from out of state breathe 5 times as often as you do. Not true. They only do this when they're IN Colorado. Otherwise, it's pretty much the same.

31. Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.
Well not anymore. But it used to.

32. Thunder has set off your car alarm. Umm… what is UP with this thunder/lightning thing??

33. A full moon has never kept you awake at night. I have no idea what this means.

34. You have an $800 stereo in your $300 truck. Not me personally, but I know someones who do.

35. A sudden loss of cabin pressure is not a big deal. OMG. I hate to fly. It is SO a big deal.

36. You think a red light means 3 more cars can go. NO no no. That's yellow.

37. Where we're going, we don't need roads!! Yes this is true. Also a good line from Back to the Future.

38. You know where Doc Holliday's grave is. I don't actually.

39. You know where Buffalo Bill's grave is. Yes. Yes I do.

40. You know where the real “South Park” is. I can ask my Dad.

41. You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight. And some Canadian Provinces.

42. Driving directions usually include 'Go over_________ Pass.' Only if you're going to the mountains. But then, yes.

43. You've done 'checking for ticks' Only once or twice.

44. You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka w/ a hood. Maybe once.

45. You've gone snow skiing in July and… Nope. Hardly anyone skis in July. The snow is lousy.

46. You've gone sunbathing in January and… I don't sunbathe, but I could have gone.

47. They were in the same year! That wouldn't be unheard of, but it isn't the norm.

48. You've urinated on the Continental Divide just so it could 'run into both oceans'. Ummm … no.

49. And the most important: You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both downstream. Yes. This is kinda true. I don't have anything against TXans and CAans personally, but they make long ski-ticket lines in te grocery store.

50. You actually understand these jokes and send them to your Colorado friends. Well I don't understand all of them, but I am posting them on my site.