Tension Tamers

It’s been a day. I was up too late. Which meant I didn’t get up early enough. Which meant I didn’t get into work when I wanted to.

Once I did get into work, it was crazy. Requests from everywhere, finding out that an order we placed was never actually placed … 2 months ago!! Projects that were NOT won. Things that did not go smoothly. And then I had to leave early for doggie pickup, including one who didn’t want to get in the car.

And once I got home, more of the same. A tweenager who didn’t want to stick with the schedule. A sick kiddo with his own issues and me trying to keep up with all the things that need to get done.

And then … missing money. I couldn’t find a deposit that should have been made a couple of weeks ago. Checking checking. Was it supposed to have been a couple of weeks ago? And I need it soon. What to do about it? Why wasn’t I more on top of it, etc. etc.

I found it, but the tension has lingered. So now, I’m sitting at my kitchen counter, catching up on official work and personal work and I am a giant ball of stress. And it doesn’t feel good. And while I can normally shake it easily, right now it is hanging on in a big way.

So rather than just feel crappy, I’m going to make a list of all the things that I can do to relive the tension (particularly those that don’t involve added calories).

  1. A cup of tea. I don’t fancy tension tamer, but earl grey (decaf) will do nicely.
  2. Bath or hot shower. Can’t really do this right now, but before bed for sure.
  3. Petting the dog. Definitely lowers the blood pressure.
  4. A good workout. Tummy is too full for this right now and I probably won’t have time later, but I think a hard run would definitely help if I could work it.
  5. Music. Calming or fun (on it).
  6. A back rub.
  7. Watercoloring/doodling
  8. Apparently writing isn’t a bad idea.

Tucking this list away for another day.

Essentialism – Kids’ Education + Extra Curriculars

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The podcast actually tackled school and extracurricular activities in two separate posts but both due to attention span issues and number of things to talk about/crossover, I’m talking about them together.

What we say NO to

  • We say no to a whole lot of extra work … both during and outside of the school year. The kids have enough to do for school and we have enough to do outside of school that it just can’t be a priority so you won’t find us doing much in the way of flash cards or workbooks to keep our kids “ahead of the curve.”
  • We say no to basically any activity that requires a ton of weekend commitment, or really just too much time commitment period. We don’t really do organized sports because of this.We want to be in control of our weekends, not sitting on the sidelines.
  • We say no keeping an activity that’s run its course due to guilt.
  • We say no to worrying too much about how a travel-related absence will effect the kids’ schooling.

What we say YES to

  • We say yes to reading outside of school.
  • We say yes to initial time commitments – for example when Tabby wanted to take up the violin, we told her it had to be at least a 2 year commitment if we were going to buy the instrument, not only for the capital outlay but also to really develop some proficiency in it and see if she likes it.
  • We say yes to “forcing” some activities because they’re important. Swimming is the one I’m thinking of here, but there might be others.
  • We say YES to finding activities that are low impact on us. A piano teacher who comes to us was about the top criteria for choosing our piano teacher. Fortunately, she’s also awesome.
  • We say yes to activities that aren’t necessarily our thing but that the kids adore.
  • We say yes to limiting activities in favor of family time.

Essentialism – Healthy Eating

kids cooking

Continuing the essentialism discussion, I want to talk about what we do with FOOD, presumably healthy since that’s our goal along with most everyone else. So how do we strike the balance between doing what is best, what is easy and not driving ourselves crazy in the process.

What we say NO to

  • We say no to worrying overmuch about organic. I try to think about the “dirty dozen” when I produce shop, but honestly, I can’t keep up with it and I certainly can’t always afford it. So I do the best I can, but I can’ t let it drive me crazy.
  • Freaking out because a kid isn’t eating his dinner/breakfast. It’s going to be ok. There is a next meal. They won’t starve.
  • Hauling around snacks. This is an easy one for me. I get really tired of our over-snacked culture where we have elaborate sign ups to provide snacks at events scheduled for times less than an hour after dinner. I don’t haul around snacks for my kids except when we’re hiking. And they’re AOK.
  • Making dining out default. This one is a work in progress, but we’re getting pretty good at being able to say that just because we’re out running errands doesn’t mean that we “need” to eat out. We can make it home and eat some leftovers or a simple quick meal. Honestly, it’s usually just as quick.
  • Going too extreme. No carb. No fat. No sugar. NO.

What we say YES to

  • Family dinners together. These are a priority and something we feel good about doing regularly and ENJOY!
  • Teaching the kids to cook. Tabby is already a better cook than many adults I know. Ben needs … work, but we’re going to get there.
  • Having the kids make their own lunches. It’s good for them to have ownership and it saves us time.
  • Grocery delivery. The best thing ever.
  • The food experience. Sorry, but if I’m in the famous pizzeria in NYC, I’m having the slice. The famous ice cream stand in LoDo? I’m having the cone. Is it good for me? Not necessarily, but I enjoy food as an experience, even when it isn’t the healthiest.
  • Recently I’ve also been saying yes to intermittent fasting. It’s been a great way for me to bring a little more balance in what I eat and giving up breakfast and lunch a few days a week has been relatively easy.

 

Essentialism – TV

Television

Essentialism is a concept I’ve thought about for a long time – if not in that exact terminology then at an abstract level. It’s the concept that you have to pick what’s important to you (truly important) and say yes to that, but, perhaps more importantly, say no to other things so that you can say yes to the important stuff.

Recently, one of my favorite podcasts, The Simple Show has been tackling this very subject, breaking things down by categories and talking about what they say no and yes to in those categories for themselves and their families. It’s been fun and interesting to hear how the hosts’ thoughts on the topics are similar or dissimilar from ours. So I thought it would be fun to sort of play along (weeks after the fact as it may be) and talk about how I feel on these.

Topic #1 was TV/Movies – how and what you watch.

The NOs

  • I say no to watching something just because it’s popular and I want to be included in the discussions. This includes: House of Cards, Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad and probably the next big thing that features lots of violence and conflict. I do not enjoy violence at all and I really need people to cheer for.
  • I say no to JUNK. Not to be too snobby, but Kardashians, Bachelors and Sponge Bob are out. I don’t care if it’s not a popular opinion. They don’t add to my life (or the lives of my kids) so it’s out.
  • I say no TV as a default or background thing. I try really hard to just turn of the damn TV if it’s bedtime and I never (just ask my kids) want TV on in the background as we’re going about our lives. It’s too easy to get complacent.
  • We say no to movies for date night … at least movies in the theatre. We don’t get to talk enough and it’s expensive with no real justification. We would probably make an exception for a truly epic movie but it’s rare. And since we’re nerds, that would usually be a nerd movie and the kids are now of the age to join us. That’s fun!
  • We say no to allowing the kids to go zombie in front of the TV. More than a couple of hours and I turn it off. I want them making, not consuming.

The YESes

  • I say yes to watching TV while working out and folding laundry and sometimes working in my office (crafting or doing mindless stuff like updating our budget spreadsheet). It’s a guilt free way to enjoy a little tube.
  • We say yes to riding our bikes to the movies for family fun. It’s an awesome fall/spring/summer outing and everyone loves it.
  • We say yes to a few select shows that we watch together as a couple.
  • We say yes to family movie nights with popcorn.

Here Comes the Sun

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It’s a little hard to believe it’s been over a year since I posted. I’ve thought about doing so a few times, but not as many as I thought I would. I miss it, more because I can’t go back and see what was going on than because I miss doing it. If that makes sense.

I am resolving to add some more recipes and updates on the kids and us when I feel like it.

Mentally, I’m feeling better than I did a year ago. Not that it’s always been easy. I miss the special people (and canines) that are no longer with us. Friendships are sometimes less than satisfactory as people move on and lives diverge. It’s not hurtful. But it hurts.

So what’s been going on?

Family Life

  • We’ve continued our family meetings with reasonable success and minimal grumbling.
  • We continue to cook good food and eat well. The kids are both learning to cook.
  • We strive to read together, but it is often a casualty of crazy schedules.
  • We continue to travel frequently, including camping, and have had some absolutely amazing trips this year.
  • The kids started at a brand new school this year and it’s been an interesting and exciting change of pace.
  • The kids were away from us for over two weeks this summer. They went to Flordia with their Nashville grandparents and to camp for a week. We missed them like crazy.
  • The kids are constantly begging for a dog and for now, we’re holding firm on the no. We just travel too much!

Ben

  • Ben is doing well at school. He seems to really excel at math, but is reading is really strong too. Penmanship is a challenge.
  • He LOVES gym and placed 2nd in his class for the pacer test where you run like a maniac.
  • He continues piano and has recently learned the Imperial Death March from Star Wars.
  • He is a hilariously funny kid and he cracks me up on the regular with his wittiness and interesting turns of phrase.
  • He has continued with karate and scouts and started swim lessons again a couple of months ago which he’s doing really well at.

Tabby

  • Tabby has changed a ton over the past year and is all little lady these days.
  • She is currently wearing the same size shoe as me. We both view this as very handy and I hope it lasts.
  • She is super super into music right now, playing really cool pieces on piano (Hall of the Mountain King, Morning, Linus and Lucy) and has just started violin for her school’s orchestra.
  • She adores being a Girl Scout and doing badge work and having experiences with her friends.
  • She is not too much into physical activity but enjoys her swim lessons and skiing.

Matt and Me

  • Matt and I celebrated 15 years of marriage this summer. We are doing great and love being together and working as a team.
  • We celebrated with a group trip to Mexico and also took a weekend away while the kids were in Florida to do a little trip to Telluride.
  • We are both leaders in the kids’ scout troops. I have continued into the juniors’ second year and Matt is an assistant den leader with Ben’s pack. It’s challenging but rewarding.
  • Matt continues on in his job and is doing well at it. I have recently been promoted and get to take a more active role in company leadership which is something I’ve wanted for a while.
  • I have been working out for a few months now at Orange Theory Fitness which I really enjoy.
  • Matt and I also took up tennis this year. We had both played in jr. high and high school and we have a number of friends who play, so it’s been a very nice activity.
  • Matt has been working hard in his wood shop. We built a console table that goes behind our couch and he is currently working on a large-scale closet system for the master closet. It’s an unbelievable amount of work.

Overall, a very good year. Lots of personal growth, positive changes and some bumps in the road. No complaints.

Struggling.

struggle

I’ve been a bit of a hot mess lately.

The summer was kind of hard.

Loss. Uncertainty. Change.

These are a few of my least favorite things.

My situation isn’t dire. I’m not in bed all day every day. I’m not in need of Prozac or Lithium. I’m just a bit more bummed/on edge than I might otherwise be. Some are universally problematic, some are more first world problems. But they’ve got me down.

Things that shouldn’t feel overwhelming, feel overwhelming. I’ve been needing more sleep. I got crazy sick last week for seemingly no reason (it was like a cold that turned into the flu that had me down and out for almost a week!). Things that shouldn’t upset me are making me unreasonably angry or sad.

I’m digging out of it. I know I feel better when I get the good sleep and regular exercise. I feel better when I force myself to be around people, even though I sometimes don’t feel like it. I feel better when I let myself skate on some of the things, but I also feel better when I make myself do some of the things.

So I’m trying to be patient with myself and with others. I’m trying to be chill about the things that need to be done and my expectations. It’s not my favorite way to be, but it’s OK. And it will get better.

A Life Well Lived

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Me and my grandma, Circa 1982

July has been a tough month all around.

Just before we lost our darling Loki, we found out that my grandma had terminal cancer. Seeing as she celebrated her 93rd birthday in January, this was not the tragedy it might’ve been, but you’re never ready to say goodbye.

She was pretty matter-of-fact about her diagnosis. The last few years have not been easy. She’s been pretty sick and not wanted to do much outside her retirement community. She’d also outlived just about all her peers, her husband and one of her children.

So on July 6, she returned to her retirement community for hospice care. She had a few OK days and a couple bad ones and a few where she mostly slept. And on July 20, she went to sleep for good.

school age 17

And over the next few days, Kelly and I sorted and scanned 93 years worth of photos. That’s a lot of photos.

But it’s more about what the photos represent – a life really really well lived.

This photo is one of my favorites. This adorable GIRL, entering her last year of high school was about to have a radical transformation. Within the next 18 months, she would meet, marry, have a baby, send her husband off to war and go to work in the Remington Arms Munitions Plant.

IMG_20160722_0038Another favorite, this one is from her trip to Cairo, where she met my mom’s oldest sister, in the middle of a world tour.

IMG_20160722_0027She eventually convinced my grandpa to travel with her and they made many trips together.

coast

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fountain

gram apre skiThis is another fave. Grandma learned how to ski in her 50s! I’m sure many people thought she was crazy, but she enjoyed skiing and continued to go over the next decade or so until her arthritis got too bad.

DSC_0025Even more than the travels though were the great photos of her with her family, including my kiddos, her only two great grandkids.

IMG_20160722_0058Celebrating birthdays …

IMG_20160722_0022and holidays ….

IMG_20160722_0081And random any days.

She was always there, stirring up mischief, making sure everyone was taken care of and enjoying the heck out of life.

I have only the very best memories of Gram, who took us to Vail and had us for sleepovers and made sure we knew how to swim. And more importantly, made sure we got an education and were good people.

We are so lucky to have had her. Blessed beyond measure. And we will miss her so. I hope she and Mom are up in heaven, catching up on old times and having a good laugh.

Happy Trails

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A little over 11 years ago on a beautiful Easter morning, Matt and I made a decision that would forever alter our lives. We decided that it was time to adopt a dog named Groucho, if he was, in fact, still available.

We had lost our first furry friend, May, a few months earlier. I had said I wasn’t ready for another dog, even though I was really taken with the then-named Groucho. But Matt was, and so I said, “If he’s still there, let’s go for it.”

It’s not very common to still find a relatively young dog, especially a lab-mix, still in a shelter after a week, but as luck would have it, he had gotten kennel cough and had to be sequestered away from the other dogs and other potential adoptive parents. He was not even strictly on the “adoptable” list, but we had seen him, had loved him … and they let us adopt him. Of course, I was smitten within minutes of him becoming ours.

He was an insane little ball of fur – pure energy. Matt says now that he’s the dog equivalent of himself. Can’t sit still, always wants to go, wants to eat everything in site and a little crazy. In short, he was the perfect dog for us, particularly for my better half.

So we brought him home and named him Loki.

The first months he was with us I was insanely distracted. He was constantly into mischief and though he wasn’t a puppy, he wasn’t too far off. Matt went out of town for a couple of weeks and it was just Loki and me. And during that week, I suffered a severe burn on my hand and lost two credit cards in completely separate incidents as well as a handful of other mishaps completely outside my normal even-keeled, organized ways.

But we had tons of fun – trips to the park and the mountains and endless walks around the yard. He learned to sit, stay, shake, beg and, all on his own, how to open doors. He liked to chew and in one memorable incident, he got an unopened package and managed to chew a hole through the brand new bag I’d bought Mom for her birthday.

There was also the incident in which he ate a piece of a giant playground ball and we had to have him cut open to remove it. We felt terrible, but he felt worse. He looked like doggie sushi with a green bandaid all around his middle. The drugs to keep him calm made him manic and crazy and I still am not sure how he managed to heal.

He was next to impossible to wear out. So we sent him to daycare a few times a week to wear him out, but he was a bit of trouble there too. He kept getting into fights with boxers (why? who knows??) and shortly before Tabby was born, he was kicked out of doggy daycare. Our little juvenile delinquent.

Lucky for all of us, he was amazing with kids. We had a preview as some of our closest friends have a son a year older than Tabby, but when it was his own baby, he was even more attentive and protective.

And as they grew, he got food dispensers at first, and then playmates. Tabby in particular has always had an incredibly strong bond with Loki. One of her first sentences was, “No Yoki! Dis my caka!” The translation of which is, “No Loki, this is my cracker.” Cracker in this case actually referred, I believe, to a fruit roll-up.

I sometimes wonder about Loki during the early years of the kids lives. I was mostly tired and probably cranky during that time, and I wonder if he really got his fair shake. But Matt remembers it differently and probably somewhat more accurately. We were doing a lot of running/walking with the stroller during that time and Loki spent a lot of time pounding the pavement right along with us. And he was getting to know his little people.

As the kids grew, we started going and doing more. Loki got to go camping in more places over the state of Colorado than most people will ever see. Those paws pounded hundreds of miles in trails and thousands by car. There was nothing Loki loved more, with the exception of being with his people, than to be going and doing and sniffing.

His senior years were marked by lots of sleeping during the day and going and doing on the evenings and weekends. We were lucky that Matt works from home and so he’s never had to be alone all day.

Over a year ago, he started developing swollen lymph nodes. He went on steroids (no fun for anyone involved!), but that didn’t help. And they grew. The vet suspected lymphoma or another kind of cancer. We weighed our options but the treatments were awful and wouldn’t prolong his life anyhow, so we opted to just let him be and hope for the best. We were blessed with many good months.

About a month ago, we started seeing some decline. Once ravenous for food of any kind, he started turning down or only partially finishing his kibble. But he was still eating other food that he deemed delicious enough, including peanut butter with his old man supplements, so that was OK. He also started breathing more heavily and sneezing more frequently. He had new swollen spots that bothered him.

Last weekend, he went to the B&B for the weekend while we took the train to Granby to stay at my uncle’s house for the weekend. Saturday, we got a call from the B&B that he had developed a nose bleed that wouldn’t go away. They said it wasn’t too bad and that they would keep an eye on him and we picked him up just a bit earlier than planned on Sunday.

His nose bleed, though not bad, was consistent and even after a trip to the vet, couldn’t be stopped. He also started refusing food entirely. After an awful night where none of us could sleep, we took him back to the vet to see if there was anything that could be done.

They could do lots but the bottom line is that it wouldn’t amount to much of anything. He was in pain and he couldn’t be fixed. So we made the right decision, even though it was the hard decision. Though we cried pitifully, he went peacefully.

It’s been hard – so hard – but we are trying to be grateful for Loki and the tremendous companion that he was to our family. Happy trails to our dear furry friend. May he eternally travel the wilderness of heaven.

Fab Dads

 

 

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I’m pretty lucky to have my amazing dad and a bunch of father-types in my life. Strong men who value women have never been in short supply and I am old enough now to fully appreciate that.

#1 of course is my own dad, who has always been there for my sister and me in every way possible. He taught us great life skills like how to ski and balance a checkbook and mop a floor and always gave us hugs and told us we look nice and made it clear he thought we had something valuable to contribute to the world. If only all little girls were so lucky.

Now my kids get to call him Papa and of course, he is just as wonderful to them. Plus he gets to spoil them and dote on them and truly believe that they can do no wrong.

2016-06-19 20.47.08-3I was then lucky/smart enough to marry this catch. He is like my dad in many ways – hardworking, kind, fun – but with his own little crazy twists that make being his kid different, though no less awesome. He is an awesome dad. He got up in the night more than I did (I do not go back to sleep easily) and he’s the one that gets the kids off to school each day and usually welcomes them home too. We’re purely spoiled by having him work at home. We get to spend a lot of time with him! And it’s keenly felt when he has to be away for a week. We all adore him!

I am also so blessed to get to work on a daily basis with my uncle. He’s a wonderful role model in all areas of life – business, parenting, fun music and another one of my favorite people.

And on top of these two great guys, I have a wonderful father-in-law who is lots of fun for his grandkids and very good to our family.

And still further are all the amazing dads who I’m friends with – these guys are growing an awesome new generation of cool, fun, smart, thoughtful, kind kids with something to bring to this world.

And if that wasn’t enough, I get to remember two amazing grandpas and the great memories I have with them – time in the shop, collecting chicken eggs, going to Broncos games, the flea market, McDonald’s.

Let’s give it up for the amazing men in the world!

The Purple Belt

2016-06-18 13.50.28About a week ago, Ben finally go the OFFICIAL nod to test for his purple belt.

For the uninitiated, belts and their corresponding tests come pretty quickly at first and then they get harder and harder. It’s been over a year since Ben got his orange belt. The fact that he took last summer off slowed him down, but Ben also has some challenges with ADHD that he has been working hard to overcome. Technically, his medicine will have worn off by the time karate class rolls around, but the focus it is allowing him to cultivate when he’s on it seems to have a carry-over effect and apparently, it’s pretty noticeable.

2016-06-18 14.06.49The test took about 1.5 hours.

2016-06-18 14.08.05They had to go through all their forms and really show their stuff.

2016-06-18 14.48.58But what is really crazy (especially if you know Ben) is that he had to spend 20+ minutes of his test meditating. That is sitting.perfectly.still. This is a kid who NEVER sits perfectly still, except when he’s sleeping, or as we say, “recharging.” !!!!

2016-06-18 15.12.46But he persevered through it all, nosebleed included (you can see the aftermath above), and got his belt!!!

2016-06-18 15.16.17I’m not sure who’s prouder of him … us, or himself. Victories like this are amazing for Ben and now, he is at the same rank as his sister, which is pretty darn sweet.