Category: Misc

What I say NO to:

• Guilt about not getting to the gym enough. It’s not that I won’t cancel a gym membership if it isn’t working for me, but I know that a lot of stuff is cyclical and if I miss a workout, it’s not the end of the world.

What I say YES to:

• Spending some $$ on myself in this capacity. Right now I’m doing Orange Theory Fitness. It’s expensive, but I really like it. So I splurge.
• Having fun with my “workouts” – tennis, hiking, biking, long walks with Matt or other friends, skiing, Just Dance with the kids? yes yes yes!
• Yoga and more low impact stuff. I’m a pretty high-energy person, so it was always hard for me to feel like these were worth it, but they do make my body feel better. I am also very diligent about stretching post hard workouts for my nagging plantar fascists issues.
• Trying things!

Mawwaige. Specifically dating as a married couple. It ain’t easy. What we say yes and no to.

What we say NO to:

• Routine date nights (every Friday, every anniversary, etc.). It sounds great in theory, but it absolutely does NOT work with our schedule.
• Going crazy (spending wise) on dates. We try a new and sometimes expensive restaurant every now and again, or get tickets to a show we’re crazy about, but not on a routine basis.
• Getting all nuts about couples holidays. Dates are better pretty much every day of the year than Feb 14. Period. We also don’t do gifts much. It’s neither of our love languages and we would rather spend the money on something to make our lives better (a trip, a new dishwasher) than flowers or what have you.

What we say YES to:

• Day dates. One of the best/easiest dates for us is to have the kids at school (no sitter needed) and take the day off from work to go out. Nothing is crowded and we can really enjoy ourselves.
• Group dates. We’ve had some really fun dates with couple friends and while we enjoy it being just the two of us, it’s a different kind of fun with other people. Plus, splitting a babysitter is great!
• Home dates … us and some wine on the back porch while the kids sleep. Not too shabby. Other variations too.

We had a blast at Disney, but I’m not done getting through all (any) of the photos, so that post will have to wait, but in the meantime ….

This is one of those topics that I don’t really want to talk about, which usually means I should. I am blessed to have some great friends, but having said that, friendship is somewhat hard for me. I frequently feel very out-of-step with my friends. I am one of the only ladies in my friend group who works full time. That means I’m never available for impromptu birthday lunches or tennis drills on a weekday morning. It’s out of sight, out of mind and I frequently end up feeling like an after thought and/or the odd man out. The upside to this is that I feel like I have special sensitivity to people being left out and try to always include others that are on the fringes. They don’t always want to be brought in, but I usually try. Anyhow, all that to say … here’s what I/we say no and yes to in friendship.

What we say NO to:

• We say not to family friendships that don’t work for our whole family. We used to hang out with a family where the parents got along great, but Ben was constantly being belittled, ignored and mistreated by their son. We tried to address the issue but it didn’t help and eventually just had to be done. We still see the parents occasionally, but we don’t get the boys together. We’ve had this happen with couple friends too – where one of us gets along with one half of the couple but the other doesn’t mesh up. Not that we can’t be friends one on one, just not as a couple.
• We say no to guilt over not seeing people as often as we’d like. We’re all busy and it doesn’t mean that we like each other any less.
• We say no to doing things just because everyone else is. If it doesn’t fit in with our personal preferences, lifestyle or finances, we’re out. I’m not talking about the little stuff like restaurant/activity preference – we just won’t majorly compromise our true selves to hang with people. True friends don’t care.
• Gatherings that are just TOO BIG where you don’t get to see much of anyone because it’s all too overwhelming.

What we say YES to:

• “Scruffy Hospitality” – the concept that the food, house, etc. don’t have to be Martha Stewart perfect to have people over. We are huge fans of making a pot of soup and saying, “come on over!”
• Planning ahead … sometimes months in advance just to make sure we stay in touch with people.
• Including friends in productive time. Good fun can be had paintbrushes in hand and it works both ways – we’re happy to give and receive.
• Quality over quantity: fewer really good friends as opposed to tons of not so good ones.
• Friends from all walks and stages of life.

We’ve been enjoying January. 26 days in, and quite a bit has happened! Last weekend we cheered our Broncos on to their 8th (I think) SuperBowl berth. I’m cautiously optimistic about their chances and I’d love to see Peyton go out at the top.

For both playoff games, I’ve made the delicious slow cooker paleo jalepeno popper chili that was featured on Skinnytaste back in August. I first made it back when we went to Vail mostly because it is a dump in crockpot and leave alone for 8 hours kind of recipe, and so perfect when you’re going skiing all day. Everyone loves it and you can make it as non-paleo as you please by adding chips, etc. or keep it paleo with some avocado.

I’ve also been making Iowa Girl Eats’ homemade chicken noodle soup frequently. It’s pretty easy, very healthy, and I’m not sure there’s anything quite as delicious on a cold day. Tabby has discovered she LOVES broth and likes to eat just that if we let her.

Ahh yes, the kids. They’re doing well. Tabby is reading everything she can get her hands on. I’m constantly researching new titles for her to enjoy. It’s somewhat hard because while she can read just about anything, she’s not quite ready for some more mature themes. So I’m trying to find her books to challenge her but that are still appropriate and will still be interested in.

Ben is doing well too. I’m pleased with how he’s tackling his piano lessons and how his reading is coming along. We’re struggling with school just now. His attention and need for movement are what are problematic at the moment. His teacher is investing a lot of her time trying to get him on task and she’s worried he’s not progressing enough to be ready for next year. He’s staying on track academically (probably because he’s pretty damn smart), but she’s worried that may soon not keep him with his peers.

So we’re having him tested. We’re researching. We’re looking at all our options. And so far it’s been frustrating and time consuming. But I am hopeful that we can find some things to really help him be the best he can be. He’s got tons of potential. Our job will be to help him tap into it.

Matt and I are keeping on keeping on. We are both busy with work and spending our off-work time on the normal things: cooking, exercising, socializing, housework and the kiddos. We don’t get a lot of time to just chill and really enjoy what we do get. We watched Big with the kids last weekend. Matt hadn’t seen it either and we all found enjoyed it. We’ve also continued our love affair with board games. Tabby has been hugely into Ticket to Ride, which it seems like she picked up in about a minute, and Ben has been kicking our booties at Enchanted Forest, a memorization game. This weekend we’re off with some friends to Vail to do some skiing. It’s good family time and I’m looking forward to it.

I had an experience right around Thanksgiving that absolutely set my teeth on edge.

See back in September, we signed up with a local photographer to do a “mini shoot” at a nearby park. This is a promo that our school does every other year to get their “photo directory” accomplished. Local photogs vie for the job of photographing around 300 families and putting the best in the directory. Families then have the option of purchasing their shots if they like them for a set price.

We did our pics and we looked at the proofs. I was a bit underwhelmed by them (not bad but not great). I was considering purchasing them anyhow (cuz it’s a hassle to get the family together for pics) and life got busy, and I forgot. So fast forward to around Halloween, I realize that I either need to buy them already or do my own shoot. So after some humming and hawing, I decide to bite and I sent the photog an email apologizing for my tardiness and saying we’d like to buy our photos.

I get a fairly curt-sounding 1 line email that reads something like, “You missed the deadline so I have to take them out of the archive. So now it’s $120.”

Honestly, I had no idea there’d been a deadline, and I got a little irritated. But after talking to some pals at the school, I decided to do it anyhow. And I realized that had the email been better worded (maybe something like, “Awesome! I’m so glad you want to purchase your pics. Since you’re outside the stipulated period for the $100 offer, it will now be $120. Here’s a link to your invoice.”), I probably would never have thought twice about just paying it and being done with it.

So I replied that that was fine and waited a few days to receive her digital invoice. Now here’s where things really start to go downhill. She wants CASH or a CHECK to be dropped off at school or her house. This person is utilizing technology for her business (camera, website, online invoicing) yet cannot extend the courtesy of that sort of convenience for her clients. Or she’s trying to be cheap and avoid fees and/or taxes. This was a huge inconvenience for us because we could never get in touch with her and it took us almost a week to get her paid.

Then we wait.

We paid her on a Friday and by Tuesday, I was getting curious about my email with my download code. So I checked my bank account and sure enough, check had been cashed SAME DAY as we paid her. But no download code. So I emailed (did I mention no contact phone number was provided???).

Waited. Friday rolls around, still no code. I emailed again and also bugged a buddy at the PTA for some further info and to report my growing displeasure.

Waited some more. It’s the Sunday after Thanksgiving by this point and I want to get Christmas cards, calendars, etc. going. Sent another, rather curter email, tried to call the number PTA friend had given me. Has a man answering voicemail, no info identifying her business. Wrong number? Finally, I track her down on Facebook and tell her to answer my freaking email and get me my code already (I was actually way nicer than that).

She finally responds with “Oh. I don’t check email in November. You should have called me.”

Then my head exploded. Ok, not really, but it felt for a minute like it did.

…

…

It was all I could do not to go totally #girlboss on her right then and there. If I had had an actual working contact number for her, I probably would have. The whole thing incensed me on SO. MANY. LEVELS.

1. I was genuinely annoyed with the poor service I received. I know there is post-processing time, uploading time, etc. but I believe it’s a pretty liberal estimate to say that she spent probably 2 hours max on our shoot (10 min) + photos. That’s $60/hr. I don’t know about you, but that’s not bad bank.
2. I was thoroughly annoyed that she is giving ladies who are trying to do side-businesses while they stay at home a bad name. I have a few friends who do VERY PROFESSIONAL businesses out of their home and she is making them look bad by association. “I don’t check my email in November.” WTF? Seriously??
3. I was really mad that she’s giving business women in general a bad name. If you’re not a professional and wish to comport yourself as one, DO NOT TAKE ON AN OBLIGATION LIKE THIS.
4. And finally, I was incensed as a person who makes her living in marketing at the HUGE OPPORTUNITY that was squandered here. An informal survey of other families at our school revealed that most weren’t much more pleased with her than I was. She had access to 300 families, most of whom make really good money and have friends who make really good money that could have called upon her once or twice a year for photos. She had the opportunity not only to chat with them, but to show them what she could do for them … and potentially get paid to do it!! The last guy who did this gig told us that he estimated that 80% of the families bought their photos!!! It’s really a pretty sweet gig and something most people in services marketing would KILL FOR. And this is what she does with it.

Part of me really wanted to as kindly and gently as possible point this out to her. To try to impart some of my (very incomplete) wisdom on this subject. When we met, she struck me as fairly young and not very educated, and I wondered if I could help her. She also struck me as fairly arrogant, so I decided I was probably wasting my breath. But I would not recommend her and I would not give her a good review and no WAY would I use her again.

I just hope she figures it out on her own.

We entertain a lot. For example, this past weekend, we hosted dinner at our house every single night – Friday, Saturday, Sunday – of the weekend. Extra space for entertaining was one of the biggest reasons we moved. This probably sounds about half insane – and maybe it is – but I think we have a slightly different definition of what it means to entertain than most people.

You will not find any carefully curated tablescapes at my house. You will most of the time find it relatively neat, but mostly because I personally like a neat house, not because I feel it necessary to have my house in perfect order before I have people over.

You will also not find elaborate multi-course meals, at least not most of the time (if it’s your birthday, or another special occasion, I will pull out all the stops). I will generally have at least one dish that I prepared myself and that took at least a modicum of care. The rest will be store bought or brought by guests. A pot of soup with bread and salad or apples is a frequent menu. So is something grilled or slow-cooked with chips, fruit salad and four bean salad from Costco. Homemade pizza with fun toppings is usually a hit.

Sometimes we will eat off our every-day dishes (we don’t own china or “good” silverware). Sometimes we will eat off paper. There is always a box of wine in the corner bar and usually a few soft drinks in the fridge (I favor LaCroix water these days, but Matt usually has Coke around too). We usually have a few cans or bottles of beer somewhere. Matt always has whiskey to pour. Our guests frequently bring their own if they want something different We always have the electric kettle ready for tea and a ridiculous selection of teas.

But really, none of this stuff is the point. Sure, I want the meal to be enjoyable for everyone, but the point is to be together.

The kids go do what kids do best – play. Sometimes we have to handle “situations” and they usually make a mess, but those are easily cleaned up. Sometimes we setup the outdoor theatre for the kids and pop them some popcorn. They cluster together in age or gender divisions. They usually look out for and help one another. They’re typically very kind.

The adults hang around our big island or at our long kitchen table – we don’t have a dining room table – and chat or maybe do dishes. When everyone’s fed, we sometimes break out the games – Cards Against Humanity, Trivial Pursuit, Cranium, or Settlers of Catan – sometimes we just chat. Sometimes we have a project going on and game play or chatter is punctuated by people running off for short periods to put another coat of something on something. We drink many cups of tea and maybe whiskey.

It’s always nice to be together. And I’m almost certain no one minds that my house isn’t perfect and there isn’t a giant fancy spread in front of them or that I said “a salad would be great” when they asked what they could bring. They’re happy to be hanging with people they enjoy talking about tribulations and triumphs and catching up on each other’s lives. It’s a great sense of community. We get and give advice. We make plans for other adventures. We google endless things to end squabbles and share funny videos. We laugh a lot. We feel very lucky to have such great people in our lives.